Why We’re So Scared Of Being Single And How To Embrace It

Posted by Paige Bolland
26 April 2017 | Relationships, Self

There’s an amazing quote from Warsan Shire that I think every young single woman should read and live by.

“My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.”

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship in your early 20s, but there is also no pressure for any of us single ladies to feel like we should be either. The 21st century is time for the real girl approach to being single; now is the time for us to self-discover, self-liberate and love ourselves to the sky.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll get this question on the daily:
“What’s your approach to dating?” “What’s your relationship status?”

At some point, we all respond with, “Oh, unfortunately, it just hasn’t happened for me yet”; we all get defensive as if it’s our fault, or a bad thing, that we’re yet to be snatched up by that lucky guy/gal. But hey! Now is the time we start protecting and proclaiming our young single lives.

Let’s think about the quote for a second – what is loneliness versus what is solitude. I asked a few of my strong female friends, and the response was near unanimous. They all said loneliness is not a choice or a lack of support, it’s a state of mind. When I asked about solitude, the majority said solitude is a choice and it’s when you enjoy being with yourself. This ease of solitude is invaluable and once you’ve got it you cannot jeopardise it or forfeit it for anyone.

The key to a happy life, solo or shared, is to be at peace wholeheartedly with who you are. We all need to learn to be our own amity. Learning to be in your own company takes more courage than one would expect. When was the last time you went to the cinema alone? To a cafe with only a book for company? It can seem daunting, but it’s the perfect first step. Sometimes we forget that we don’t need anyone else’s permission, it’s purely dependent on whether we’re willing to put ourselves out there and do it. Spending time doing things you enjoy will invite people with similar interests and personalities into your life. You will become the queen of living for yourself and when you do, the world will know. You will strut with a confidence that will draw people straight to you.

We need to use our single days to achieve all of the things that might not be so easy when we are in a relationship, like picking up and moving overseas or simply travelling to the places we’ve always wanted to see. When we have seen culture, have travelled and met people with different values, we slowly holt our judgements; we become accepting and respectful to all. We need to use this era of our lives to pack a bag and just go. Travelling alone can seem like the scariest thing to some, but it’s always the first step which is the hardest. Trust me, after the original nerves you will socialise with new, exotic people and do things you normally wouldn’t. This knowledge and experience is a form of liberating and you will prove yourself in ways of confidence you never knew you had. You CAN travel alone. It takes a self-liberated woman to empower others.

If you’re in a relationship, you can’t rely on your partner to validate your worth, nor should they put that pressure on you; all we need is our own validation and we will carry ourselves with attractive confidence. We validate our worth when we feel like we’re treating ourselves with the respect we deserve and know we’re doing the best to give ourselves the best opportunities. Love knows no age; love will happen at it’s best when we are standing up for our passions when we stop looking for it as validation, and ultimately when we are the strong independent beings we were all born to be. If we can live for and with ourselves, we will choose to enhance this sweet solitude only with those who make it sweeter.


For more articles on embracing “Singledom” check out “Why Were Too Afraid To Try Something New”

WriterPaige Bolland

Meet the incredible Paige Bolland, the whiz of a woman behind the post you’ve just read! At 21 years young, Paige is a creative soul currently living in London (but originally from the mighty old New Zealand.)

When she’s not writing pieces about all things relatable, she’s sipping back coffees as a coffee devotee with a passion for words and travel. If there are three words that could Paige’s mantra in life it would be “aspire to inspire” and yes, you can check out more of her incredible work at: https://paigebolland.com/

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